pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I want to make a zoo with you.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Randomize
