Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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