i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
