need another drink. this is the easiest way
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
