the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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