I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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