I am in a vortex of obligation.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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