it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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