What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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