I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
No subtext here. People are naked.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Randomize