No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
