Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
