I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
