My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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