Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Randomize
