i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
