Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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