I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize