I hope mine doesn't look like that
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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