I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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