why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
