it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
