i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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