btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize