Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
