so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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