You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
