Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
