i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
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