Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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