i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
found the other keg... it's in the tree
she peed on how many people?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
