I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
