Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
