I just pynch a tree in the face
from now on my penis is your penis
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
