I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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