Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
