but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
