so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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