areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
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