Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
