The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
