I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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