Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
