Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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