wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Randomize
