I think I won the penis lottery.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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