So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize