i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I will pee on everything he values.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize