Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
