I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
it was like eating out sand paper
Even the bartender felt bad for me
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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