hotel room ftw
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
