Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
