I am spending my child support on dildos
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
