It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
