everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
