Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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