Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
