mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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