Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
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