I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Slut skills are useful in every country.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I am one with the molecules
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize