you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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