My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
