you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
