She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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