Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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