I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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