I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
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