I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
