your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Randomize
