Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
The Olympian is in my bed
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
