apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
