Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
