Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
