I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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