On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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