I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
