I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
